Time is a River by Mary Alice Monroe

Today is a good day to read.
New Year's Eve and my honey is in Canada.
Never do have many big plans on this holiday.
We try to stay awake until midnight,
Bang some pots and pans
out the front door into the New Year,
and shake some money for luck.
Must have black eyed peas and pork for dinner the next day.
I'll check the refrigerator.

However, back to reading.
I found this book at the library a few weeks ago.
Just cracked the cover
to make sure I was interested,
then life got very busy.
Today, while it is raining,
I settled in to read.

I picked it up because the main character
is recovering from breast cancer.
A topic I am just now familiar with.
There still lies a tiny trickle of fear in the back of my mind.

Have you ever been so taken and pulled into a story
that you didn't want to stop reading?
The story line is one that you can see yourself fall into
quite completely and so very easily?

I am only through the first third of the book,
but it has me captured heart and soul.
V and I are going out to dinner,
so I must hold my suspense for an hour or two.
Thankfully it will be Saturday tomorrow.
If my eyes will allow me,
I would very much like to finish this book by
the first day of the new year.

I am really hoping that this book does not
disappoint me in the revealing of it's mysteries.

And Spring pokes it's little head out for a day!

What a strange and wonderful day today turned out to be!
Temps in the fifties and rainy.
Reminds me so of Seattle!
I've cleaned and organized the dining room
and spare bedroom...now workout room.

I sat in the parking lot of Kroger's for half an hour today.
Listening to the rain and thunder,
I was wishing I could be in a huge, heated bubble.
With the rain pelting down all around me.
It's lovely seeing the grass and plants again.

However, there is a lively little woodpecker
pecking around in my gutter above my family room.
Does he not realize this disturbs the peace in my home?
I suppose I need to get more suet out for him.
The darn grackles have been hoarding out there again tho.
Safflower seed coming!

I am so looking forward to a new year.
I was asked a question today:
What is God calling you to do with Him?
Honestly, I don't know right now.
I seem to be in a protective, self healing,
separate kind of mood these days.
I am also doubting these previous feeling and
that maybe there is something God wants from me,
but Satan is using my selfishness to block His efforts.
Will be praying and seeking out His plans.
Maybe I do need to heal and focus on me a bit.
Just a bit.
I read that when the Holy Spirit strikes,
it is best to act right away, because the longer you wait,
the more selfishness takes over.

There are thank you letters I need to write to folks
for their support when Mom B passed away.
There are babies growing and about to be born.
So I must prepare some rotations for their mommies' meals.
The family room needs to be finished.
And I have lots of wool to spin!

There is a vintage and handmade arts show
April 10 at the Elks Lodge.
I think I would really like to make up a bunch of yarn
and try to sell it.
But pricing......? UGH.

There are things that need to be said,
but I am so afraid to say them.
I am not sure how to say these things
so that my words will be heard in the manner
that they are ment.

Heb 10:38 says that My righteous one will live by faith.
And if he shrinks back,
I will not be pleased with him.

I am faced now with pressing forward
or drawing back.

I know how much I have to lose,
but I see how much I have to gain,
and that is what I want to focus on!

I am blessed.
If not with words,
then with faith that the right words will come
when they need to.
If they need to.

ellen

Well, that was fun.
If you read the previous post,
you knew I was in a down diddy down do down mood.
I decided to untangle the xmas lights.
Yup, took the tree apart first,
then tried to untangle the lights.
Good project for a diddy day.
After that was completed,
and a full cup of coffee spilled,
I took scotch tape,wrapped it around my hand,
and began gathering all of the artificial tree leaves.
Finally gave up and got out the vacuum.
Much better.
I walked into the family room where Chuck
was watching the ellen degenerous show.
Now, I don't usually sit and watch shows in the afternoon.
But...Ellen is always a smile bringer.
The photos are of two kids in her school photo hair spot.
The brunette she said looked like
someone had put Harry Potter in the dryer!
HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway...feeling much better now.
Off to get the grey colored!
I am blessed
even when I am down!

end of year, winter blahs

I don't know if it is the shorter days,
the rainy weather approaching,
or this nasty cold I cannot seem to shake,
but I have no motivation, energy or get up and go.

My folks are moving tomorrow.
Their bickering is keeping me away.
I am praying that all three of them
will go to their own quarters
and live happily ever after.

I don't understand the glasses people are wearing.
You know the ones.
The rose colored ones that hide all of the reality.
Why can't people see what is so clear to every one else?
Embarrassment, ego, pride?
These things will only keep you miserable for years to come.

Maybe I need to get my kickin boots out.
Keep my tongue tied up, but swing away?
I am reminded of the Mel Gibson movie Signs.
Where the brother took his bat off of the wall
and swung away at all the glasses of water.
Kinda what I feel like doing!

I have been spinning alot recently.
I have finished up some wonderful walnut dyed
tencel and mixed with silk/mohair roving.
Very pretty.
Three skeins about 500 yards.
I also spun some romney mix with turquois silk noil.
I am knitting it into a cowl for V.
I will be busy this winter
with everything I have stashed away
just for the purpose of spinning during the blahs.
What better excuse than having nothing to spin in the spring
when all the critters are sheared again!

It seems as though, since coming home from Alabama,
I have not wanted to be social at all.
I hope I get out of this mood.

Maybe it was the memories that flooded back from family times past.
There really were alot of great memories from Alabama.
My sister in law and I used to talk until the sun rose.
All the kiddos asleep hours before.
I wish I could have those moments again.
I'm afraid, with my mother in law gone,
Taryn has said goodbye to the world.
I never did understand why she hated me so.
Sad.
The photo at the top is of Taryn and her son Ben.
After the funeral,
Taryn got her kids together for some pickin.
Thus all of the memories.
Let the Circle brought her to tears.
I hope she will finally be happy.
Someday maybe....

My grey hair roots are glowing through.
Coloring them tonight.
I missed Christmas service so much.
I did finally see lights with Hilary.
She is so much fun!
And Ritters ice cream in the car in negative temps was awesome.

I did get a new phone.
Smart, so they say, but I feel very stupid.
Hil taught me to text with swype.
It is sooooo cool!
For any of you that received texts from me before smart,
I must apologize.
This is a new year!
Come on 2011!~

Be careful what you pray for...

...for you shall surely get it!
IN SPADES!

I must admit that I was pretty stressed out
by going to Alabama for my mother in law's funeral.
It really surprised me
that she was as sick as she was.
When my father in law died eight years ago,
she was ready to follow him then.
Even though Mom was only 77 years old,
there really was nothing wrong with her.
She wanted to be done with this earthly existence.

I've said before that I don't have the best relationship
with the "other side".
I asked everyone for prayers to keep everything peaceful,
no arguments, no inappropriate comments, no hateful looks.
And to keep my tongue in it's place.

Well, before I left, I had a sore throat.
By the time we got to Alabama,
twelve hours later,
I had laryngitis.
The whole time we were there.
Oh, I tried to talk, and whispered loudly,
and am going to the doctor today after returning home.
I never felt badly.
Just couldn't talk.

Funny how God answers prayers.
REALLY FUNNY!
HA HA
I know that His way is always the best answer.
I, myself, would never have thought of laryngitis!
Okie mc smokey, skiddley doo!

As it turned out, it was a small funeral.
Lots of Terry's cousins and old friends were there.
Let's be honest....every one there was a cousin! LOL

The girls had a blast with their brother Andrew.
Terry and I so enjoyed listening to them laughing and being happy.
I believe that's one of the things God intends
when He takes one of His own back to Him.
That family gets together to share funny and sad memories.
I wish that the WHOLE family could have shared like that.
They are funny about anyone but BLOOD relatives.
I was grateful for the time that was given to my family though.

I was able to spend a good bit of time with two very dear friends.
They are so welcoming!
There is something special about the Southern people!

Both my girls were amazing! Beautiful.
Classy and so grown up.
We lived there twelve years ago
and it has been eight years since the girls have been back.
No one there seems to have changed.
They all loved seeing the girls.
And seeing how they have grown into women.
I knew they would.
Going home.
Nice.

Back to reality after a whirlwind trip full of emotion.
My girls drove all 1500 miles but for an hour.
They are such troopers.
I am so proud of them.
That prayer was answered too.

I am proud of Terry that he is such a wonderful father
and husband and brother and son and friend.
He works so hard for us all.
Thanks honey.

Yes, Charlie survived.
I was worried for a bit, but he greeted me as normal
and is sleeping now on the couch.

I loved seeing all the nephews and nieces,
even if we didn't have much to say to one another.
The great nephew is a true blessing.
I am off to hunt for the other three Kinex to complete his set.
The grandbabies' gifts are with their daddy
on the way back to Texas.
No post office drama or expence for us!

And Terry will be on his way to Canada Friday.
At least we got to spend two wonderful days as a whole family.
We are blessed.
Thanks God for your choices and answers to our prayers.
And thank you friends for your prayers.

Road Trip!

Not really looking forward to this one.
I am excited to spend hours and hours with my girls.
Trapped in a car for 30+ hours there and back!
I am excited to see my honey soon.
I am excited to see Terry's son Andrew,
and there will be no postage to mail the grandbabies
their presents....bonus!
I am looking forward to seeing and hugging old friends.
Looking forward to hugging on family I haven't seen in ages.
And the southern food.....need I say more?!

The rest....well...one of life's to do's.

And the snow is coming.
We are leaving tonight so we can have some time
to relax before having to get on the road again.
I am praying there is a decent hotel in Reform.
One of two they have, we stayed at in June.
Won't be staying there again.
This is only the fifth funeral I have been to, I think.

Please pray for strength and understanding
and no feuds please.
I am blessed.

Atta way God!

Psalm 17:7-9

Skipped a few days study, while being sick.
When I opened the books this morning,
this is what I read.

Show Your marvelous lovingkindness by Your right hand,
O You who save those who trust in You
From those who rise up against them.
Keep me as the apple of Your eye;
Hide me under the shadow of You wings.
From my deadly enemies who surround me.

Now, for those of you who do not know,
I am not well liked by my in laws.
I know, I know.
I can imagine that I will not be welcomed
at my mother in law's funeral.
I will go because my husband wants me by his side.

Prayers will be greatly appreciated that
I will keep my mouth shut,
look for God's opportunities,
if there are any,
and support my husband.
This is not about me.
Help me to remember that.
Let me find the cool shadow to run under
so that they must get through Him to get to me.
Let me follow only His word and path that He wants me on.
I know I am blessed beyond what I deserve.

Of Course.

I am always saying that I can handle things
better when I am stressed.
At least, that seems to be the time I am needed most.
And it really does seem when I am at my best.

So....
My dad was found to have two blood clots in his legs.
Has to be OFF his feet for five days and
take two shots a day until the blood thinner kicks in.
Not easy being still for this fella.
He loves to snow blow and work around my house.
Not to mention that he, my mom and grandma are moving
to Walnut grove Dec 30.
Luckily they are almost packed up.
And I always said that I would NOT move them again...
God has other plans. LOL

I have gotten sick somehow.
I am praying it isn't strep throat.
Did alot of stuff the last weeks and I have felt it coming on.
No good deed goes unpunished!

This morning, Terry called to let me know that his Mama died.
It was a blessing,
She was suffering in the end.

And.......
I must get well.
V will try to get off work,
and Hil is trying to reschedule clients for tomorrow and Thurs eve.
If all works out, we will leave Tuesday early,
viewing is Wed at 10:00, funeral at 11:00.
We will eat and leave Wednesday evening.

If the girls can't get off,
I will hopefully pick up my sister in Indy,
On the way back, we will pick up her kids
to celebrate Christmas here,
and she can help me move our folks!

Now as we all know,
God has His own ideas,
so I am trying very hard to be flexible
and take in consideration His plans.

It has already worked that Terry'[s son will pick him up in
San Antonio, and they will travel together.
The weather is warm, if a bit rainy in the south.

So, just have to get rid of this red nose and throat!
I am blessed!

Inspiring

It doesn't take much.
A word or two, or a nod.
These days, seeing someone else comment on a blog you follow.
We all have our ups and downs.
We aren't alone.
We need to remember that we are not alone,
and that others get down too.
Take comfort in others' advice.
From their encouragement.
They give it with their whole hearts.

It is really easy to read, or pass by without noticing.
Or worse yet, noticing and not stop.

I learned a valuable lesson the other day.
I read a new twist on the Good Samaritan story
in my study by Beth Moore.

Yes, the priest and the Levite passed by and the Samaritan stopped and helped.
We all know this, or have heard it.
We also learn that Samaritans were considered mongrels, half breeds.
A good Samaritan was considered an oxymoron to Jews.

In Luke 10:25-37
when Jesus told the story to the lawyer who asked
what he could do to inherit eternal life,
the lawyer would have been very familiar with the players.
I was not.

The priest and the Levite were coming from Jerusalem to Jericho.
They were on their way home from the most important
life work they would ever do.
They had been performing their brief tenure of service in the temple.

Don't you think that they would have been at their most humble,
most grateful, most willing to help moment at that time?

Sometimes good is at it's best when the law of the heart
eclipses the law of the land.
Our neighbor is the person who has a need.
He is a broken one.

Thank you friends for being neighbors to me and mine.
Even your small words of encouragement
are bright rays of needed sunshine in our lives!

I am blessed.

Chipper

Yes.
I was called chipper tonight.
Like it is a bad thing!
Yes.
I annoy my children and family lots of times,
with my chipperness.
Tonight I actually annoyed my pastor.
But, I had an amazing time tonight
handing out cocoa and cookies
under a tarp while it was raining!

I met some really cool people,
who were excited to be helping...even in the rain.
There were great conversations going on...
around the fires, and in the stable
with Mary Joseph and Santa!
The kids were loving it!
And yes, the weather was an easy topic to break the ice.
Sarah was eager to please and even wore a coat tonight.
What a trooper!
Ed was the biggest help and carried the Styrofoam cups for me
while I lugged 10 gallons of cocoa out in a red wagon!
Thanks Ed.
Yes, I will teach Melissa to make you a sweater!

I suppose this is why I love nights and activities like tonight.
People make connections,
It shows the neighbors that we will be there for them
even in the not so perfect situations.
We are stepping up to the plate and ready to swing!

Yes.
Way too chipper.
Way too happy tonight.
My apologies.

Nah. Suck it up!
It was a great night!

Jennae...great job!
I am blessed!
Abundantly!

Off with a BANG!

Jumped on the total gym while the cookies were baking...
signed Christmas cards,
taking Mema to the salon for her weekly pampering with Hilary.

Read in study this morning about Martha and Mary.
I must admit that I am Martha.
I also have the heart of Mary.
Study said that it was Martha's invite to Jesus to come to her home.
Not the head of the house, Lazarus.
Not Mary, the depth of the house.
It was the hands of the house.
And she prepared everything and Jesus was comfortable,
and able to teach those around who were also invited.

I have learned that I can be prepared....
and then stop and listen attentively.
It's all in the preparedness.

Now, I do rush around madly for days ahead of time.
But I try to start each morning with study, and quiet.
Before facebook. or emails, or breakfast.

I learned this from a dear friend.
When you come out of bed in the morning,
imagine Jesus sitting at the table wishing you a good morning.
It is up to you to ignore Him, and hustle about your day
or share your first moments with Him.
He will be there patiently waiting
no matter what you choose.

Thanks Kimberly!
I am blessed,
because I choose to receive all the love
that Christ lavishly has for me!

yummy rich colors!

Making some cookies for church today.
I had trouble with the peanut butter kiss cookies.
I am allergic to peanut butter.
So neither I, nor my children have had these staple cookie
most of you take for granted.
I don't know why I chose to make them.
I think I found a good recipe online.
However after cooking the recommended 10 minutes,
they looked raw to me.
I cooked them another 7 minutes before removing them from the oven.
I stuck the little kisses into each center
and waited for them to cool.
What I was waiting for, I don't know.
Not like I could taste them.
No offers from facebook proved worthwhile in sampling.
Hope they are good.

One of my dreams...ah...death bed wish...
is to try a Reece's peanut butter cup.
Or a big spoonful of extra creamy peanut butter.
It smells and looks wonderful!
Sunflower and soy butter are ok...but just don't quite come close,
or so I am told.

Some slice n bake and some candy cane cookies, round out my baking.

I dyed some Icelandic yesterday and it turned out so luscious!
Brightened my spirits right away.
I'm going to try some drum carding and spinning this weekend.
I bought the new copy of Spin In Magazine today and plan on
making a nice cuppa tea and devouring every word.

Can you tell I'm on a diet this week?
Everything seems to revolve around comforting foody words.
I am blessed.

Hrumph! With a happy ending!

Why is it that folks fall for the lies of others?
When they know better.
They know the history.
Yes, people can change,
but what if they don't?
At least not yet.

And how can someone hold onto a grudge
over something that never even happened?
For decades!!

So this snowy day, I am waiting.
Waiting for an update since Terry is in Reform.
Funny how he forgets I'm on pins and needles when he is there.
My mind goes to conspiracy,
but the truth is,
the phone signals are horrible,
and he is checking out the situation.
SO I will wait.

I snow blew yesterday and scraped the roof.
It needed it again later in the afternoon,
but I waited until this morning.
The birds were fed their peanuts and seed first thing.
A path was shoveled for Charlie,
and I was quite bundled up.

As I was pulling snow off of the roof,
in great muffled thuddy splats,
Daddy used the snow blower.
I love that 72 year old man!
He just goes and goes and goes.
He did the neighbors' drives and walk too.
All he wanted for reward, was a brownie.
I threw them away last night.
I started a new diet.
Poor Daddy.

All the Cards are made and ready to be signed and delivered.
I may only mail a few because I tried something
a bit different this year.
Hopefully, if yours is mailed, it doesn't leak!
Didn't even think about the post office's reaction.
HMMMM
May need to be creative.

So, I will card and maybe dye some wool in bright hues.
I received 3 pounds of white Icelandic wool
and it is calling for color!
This seems like a nice day for carding!
Tomorrow I will spin and card some more!

See, I feel better already!
Thanks for putting up with a little self absorption today.
I may actually try to tackle I tunes again.
Wish I knew music!
I am blessed

What the heck, God?

I must admit that I am quite the planner.
When something needs to be done,
I get down to it.
I don't like to take breaks, or chat, or fool around.
When it is done, then I have fun.

So when the news was that Terry's mom was dying,
and Terry wanted me to come with him via the truck,
I went into mode.

I shopped for appropriate pants and shoes....
a feat I really hate to do!
Big butt and tummy and funky feet do not make shopping easy!

I enlisted the girls to help with the dog, and Mema's packing,
I reassigned my duties at church to V,
Delivered meals ahead of time, as well as hats and mittens.

Was going to miss out on the holiday festivities at church,
but did what I could do...
sure wish I could have made more hats than 5 tho!

I did laundry and packed for winter weather and Alabama weather
and even Texas weather.

It was like a ballet!
I only had to get knitting together and Xmas card lists.

Now I am also a big believer in God's plans.
And to accomplish His plans
He will pull some really wacky stuff outta the bag.

So, Terry was in St Cloud MN waiting on a trailer.
Imagine...a huge company not having a single trailer available!
At 5pm, Terry got his trailer out of the shop.
Not an ordinary trailer mind you.
This was a perfectly fine trailer,
just in the shop for a regular check up.
Now, if the trailer had been available at 9 in the morning,
when Terry was ready for it,
he would have driven the 150 miles north to pick up his load,
swung by to get me and I would be on my way south.

No.

Instead he had to leave out in the beginning of a horrible snowstorm.
A snowstorm, by the way that blocks him from coming to get me.
He has sunny, but cold skies all the way down to Houston.
God has His hand in this mess.

When I heard that the first thing my sister in law asked my husband was...
Why is Kris coming?
I knew that the trip could possible get ugly.
I was loaded for bear tho... Jesus in front of me in full armor.

However, God may have something else in store for me.
Maybe I'm not as strong as I think I am.
I know that Terry is stronger than me and can handle his family.
I just pray he doesn't have to.
If I am not there, maybe things won't get ugly.
They won't have a chance to fling things.

The plan now is that when Mom passes, Hilary and I,
and possibly V will drive down for the funeral and drive home.

If God has something else planned, I am all packed.
I got all my frustrations out in my sleep last night
and have accepted God's will and timing.
Just know that I am ready to jump when He says jump.

This Christmas monster is not going to get me!
I am going to help out at church as much as I can
and enjoy every moment of it!
I am blessed.

Following Through

The tree is up, decorated and so pretty at night.
I like to take my glasses off and look at the lights.
If you don't wear glasses, squint at the tree.
It makes the lights look star-bursty!

Many things are happening at church that I have volunteered for.
Decorating the church, neighborhood luminary walk,
book sale, hat and mittens for the elementary schools,
meals for CARE ministry,
lots of knitting to do for the holidays,
watching the snow and staying cuddled in the house enjoying the season.

But no.

My mother in law is dying.
My husband is picking me up and we are driving to Alabama.
I don't know how long I will be gone.

I was a little upset about this.
For more reasons than one.
I love being home.
I love my family and church.
I love my...comfort.
Yes, I was pouting and stamping my feet.
Feeling sorry for myself.
All my plans and comforts were being turned about.

BUT....

I have also been studying Jesus.
Luke 9:23 says
He said to them all, "If anyone wants to come with Me,
he must deny himself, take up his cross daily,
and follow Me."

Also Luke 9:28-36
Christ reserves the right to bring us to a place that forces us
to ask "who is this man?"
And if we are willing, He will show us a glimpse of His glory
and we will be changed as He transforms before us.

I have gotten used to seeing God as I always have.

Then I read Mark 7:31-36
Jesus took a deaf man aside, away from the crowd.
In my study, Beth Moore encourages that
sometimes, when Jesus is about to do something really special in our lives
He will rearrange our surroundings.
He will take us out of our element,
to give us a new perspective on God's glory and power.
To grow in us a spiritual gift of love for the body of Christ.

Finally I read Mark 9:14-18
The disciples were unable to drive out demons,
even though God had given them the power to do just that.

Beth's reasons for this were...
Their positive influences (Jesus) were absent.

We must know where our confidence is coming from.
In our own faith, and not from those close to us.
To stand, with Christ, on our own two feet.

And the second reason, is that the disciples strongest negative influences
were present in the teachers around them.

We can't afford to wait until everything around us
is perfect for us to show the love of God to those who need to see it.
God teaches us that sometimes,
the worst conditions
can often provide the best atmosphere to act in faith.
If our faith discouragers
can shake our confidence badly enough to disable us,
our confidence may be in ourselves instead of God.

So I will joyfully travel to Alabama because I love my husband.
I love that he wants me next to him as he struggles with this painful time.
I know that I am not welcome by some family there,
as I am loved here in my hometown.
I know that God is with me and I am to show His love
even when I am uncomfortable.
I am His to use in any way He wants to use me.
And I am at peace with this....now.

In a way, I am taking off my glasses to look at the lights.
Looking through the star bursts in a new way.
I am blessed.