Am I crazy?

I was confronted with a dilemma today.
Actually a recurring problem.
I, apparently am unable to hide my feelings from my face.
You, my children, and others,
can see what I am feeling even without me uttering a syllable.
Even when I am unaware of such thoughts or feelings,
others can tell that I disapprove, or am irritated by my facial ticks!


When my daughter tried to make me understand this,
I was at a total loss as how to mask feelings I was unaware I was having.
Now, she brings up a valid point.
Sometimes there are times that my children know that I disapprove,
or am angry, and all it takes is a look from me and they feel guilt!

Don't tell them this,
but I kinda like that I have this power over them at times.
It is one of those mom skills that we try to perfect over the years.
It also is a hard skill to put away when the nest is empty.

I must let you and them know, that I am trying very hard NOT to shove my
feelings or ideas on anyone.
Live and let live is my new saying.
You get to deal with your own consequences.
I may worry about you.
I may pray for you.
I may even try to lend some motherly, or friendly advise.
And most of the time I am available to come to your aid when you ask for it.

But you must also know that my mind, most of the time, is a vapid mess.
It thinks of fibery things most of the time.
Or nothing at all.
I like looking at butterflies and get distracted often.

My wonderful husband, after listening to me fret over my facial ticks,
kindly informed me that some people
may have preconceived notions about what I may be thinking.
It may even sound in their head
like something that I may have said in the past.

But I am not responsible for what you think I am thinking.
Most of the time, I do say what I am thinking.
So if I don't say it, it really means that I didn't think it.
Or it could mean that I didn't feel like sharing what I thought.
In either case, it is not for you to get upset
or concerned about what I was thinking if I didn't say it.
I am not worrying about this anymore.

If anyone sees me with a look or pain on my face, or irritation,
please do not think that you are the one I am concerned about.
My foot probably hurts or
I have made yet another mistake on my newly acquired loom.

I am writing this for a few reasons.
1. For myself..to stop being concerned about what others are thinking.

2. For my daughters...yes, I am writing ab out and for you.
So you will live your lives for yourselves.
I love that you are concerned with my feelings.
But this is your life now.
Share with me all you want, and don't worry about the rest.

3. For the other moms out there who have not reached this point yet.
You will.
And you are not crazy. Just don't get upset about it.

Thank you again Terry, for being my sounding board and my stabilizer!