I didn't sleep much on Monday night.
I haven't slept much the past week or so.
My mind was occupied with worries.
Worries about my sister and her finances.
Worries about my grandmother's broken ankle.
Worries about my mother and father's upcoming move.
Worries about my mother's health.
So I was awake.
I sought out my Beth Moore Bible study.
Jesus...90 days with the one and only.
I'm only on day 14.
It was 2:32am.
My window was open beside my bed.
I could hear the wind beginning to blow the leaves outside.
I began journaling.
Just the stuff on my mind, my worries.
Joking about Terry snoring beside me. LOL
Now this is generally what my journal/Bible studies are.
Whining then any inspiration from the author or Word.
This was the next sentence I wrote:
The night is very windy -
kind of feel like angels' wings are all around me.
Warm/cool breezes through the window.
I just give all of this to You my Lord.
Help me get rest and think clearly in the new day.
Let me have patience and wisdom and peace.
I then began to study.
Matthew 3:13-15
The study question:
What keeps many believers from being humbled
and overwhelmed by the presence of God?
What keeps me?
I read the story of John baptizing Jesus.
John baptized Jesus with water, and Jesus baptized the Jordan with Grace.
For Jesus it was the end of the beginning.
I wrote how I would love to see the Jordan one day.
Beth Moores' fictional description of Jesus' baptism was breathtaking.
Use me Father - but I am so unworthy to be used by you!
These winds are stirring outside and also stirring in me!
I can feel You next to me and I feel so....
no words come...
but You are speaking to lowly me.
I am Yours to do whatever with.
3:13 am
I could not stop studying!
Father - I crave You like water and I am parched!
I do not want to stop drinking in your lessons for me!
Bring me the awe and wonder of Your unfailing presence -
Your rest and your strength.
Use me today and from each day following.
Let those see You in me, and let me diminish to nothing!
You are refreshing, and building up, and grace filled,
and encouraging when I don't deserve any of it.
All for You, only You.
Hold Your bondervant to remember this always!
Matthew 3:16-17
Beth Moore gives a thought that I never considered.
Jesus was here to live as we do.
To sympathize with us in our daily struggles and joys.
He did not see into Heaven every moment,
or hear His Father speak audibly to Him all the time.
Just as we do not.
Some of His prayer was spent talking to God, knowing only in His own spirit
and through God's Word what the Father was answering.
Just as we do.
How exciting it must have been each time the Heavens opened up to Him.
And how awesome when God spoke lovingly to Him!
Times to be cherished and burned into memory!
Someday I will see God like this too!
Oh What a Day!
I don't want to sleep!
Can I sleep and rest now?
The fullness of You is overpowering, but it is also restful.
My eyes grow heavy but my soul is singing out as it has never sung before!
Full of hope and love and rest.
Joy and the power of you.
I hunger in my heart.
One that knows every inch of me,
Focus in on me Lord like a laser.
Use me and every breath I have to proclaim Your Glory to the nations.
Not that they should hear me, but to listen to You.
My desire is to rest in You.
To sing and dance and cry for You.
The pain of those who do not know this feeling is crushing.
And all it takes is to choose to be Yours and to die to self.
If those doors that You closed in lives around me,
and the breeze through these windows of their souls be opened to accept You,
let them know this joy now!
I am anxious for them to know it NOW!
But in Your time they will see.
Even as I see this tiny glimpse for the first time.
And then I slept.
And the next few days brought all kinds of struggle.
Struggle I don't think I could have handled well at all
if I had not had this meeting with my Master!
I honestly don't know why I felt I had to blog this moment in my life.
This was the first time in 46 years that I have ever felt
so overwhelmed with the love of God for me.
I truly feel as if David was listening to me!
He and the angels were leaping and jumping and spinning for me.
I experienced a tiny moment of what David must have felt
while writing the psalms.
And if this is even slightly true,
then I know that David wanted to share this with me,
as I want everyone to have a moment like this.
God is so good!
May I be a song writer again and again.
If not, then I will be satisfied by this fraction until I meet my Lord in Heaven.
This tiny moment will carry me through!
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