Support comes form many strange places

For the past week or so I have been mulling and moping,
frustrated...
and sad.

When things seem obvious to me,
when neither friends nor family
don't seem to agree to these unspoken disputes,
I get this way.
Thanks to Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend
I have not said anything about other's choices.
This I think is a good thing.

Last night I was hit with overwhelming despair.

When my kids were little,
I got it.
I remembered playing the games and singing the songs.
I dove into learning and exploring and
sharing daily lives, decisions and thoughts.
Basically, I had control of beginnings.
The middle has me a bit confounded though.

For some reason, I don't remember most of the 20 somethings.
Well, that's not entirely true.
I got married when I was 19.
Had my kiddos at 22 and 24.
Life was not, for me, as it is for my girls.
Decisions were made based on needs of my family, not myself.
Every decision had lifetime consequences for more than just me.

My girls are challenged with careers, school, friends, partners,
spirituality, politics, free time,
basically every day to day decision I did not have.

I need to remember that in my empty nest days.
I don't seem to have much in common with one daughter these days.
I can't say what needs to be said from a mom's point of view,
so I don't say much, I guess.
The other girl, although she had some very hard beginnings a few years ago,
now has seems to want my time and words more often than not.

So, this morning over breve and the Sunday paper,
(yes, I'm addicted to breve coffees!)
I read an article in the Parade section
by Alexa Stevenson...Mothers Without Borders
I was crying real tears by the end of it.

Basically it said that as a mother,
you always want to be there for your kids in anyway you can.
Always!
It is a sweet story from two points of view.
Fellas probably won't get it too much.
I know that the girls know I'm here.
I hope they know that I understand.
I just miss the sharing.
I miss the conversation.
I miss the fun and the time of quietness too.

I think I am in need of some deep, life changing conversations
from everyone around me.
Not superficial stuff...
some sit down for a few iced teas or coffees
and let's get real!

Another friend made a comment on a blog earlier this week.
Stay at home moms do have lives,
their time is just shifted a bit.
Not much time for adulthood.
Now that I am an adult all of the time....
my friends are busy with their lives.

SO if you see me at Barnes and Noble,
don't be afraid to sit down and tell me you
want some juicy real down to earth conversation.
And don't be surprised if I do the same...