Undescribable pain

What a morning I have had.
I am about to go into the privacy of my back yard,
surrounded by wind and trees and leaves,
where no one is around,
and rake, and bag up the old summer garden,
and sob from deep with myself.

If you do not have children, but plan to one day,
or your children are small,
please listen to a bit of wisdom from my experiences.
I feel that this will happen to any parent,
as it should.
It's the way of things.

When your children are small and they play sports,
softball, kickball, even T-ball,
they should win or lose.
None of this everyone wins BS.
A child must learn that life is not always going to turn out in their favor.
Life in this world hurts sometimes.
Kids are going to lose, they will get their feelings hurt,
and most kids I know, tease other kids.
It happens.
(Bullying should never happen and should be immediately delt with
in all manners possible!)

As a mom, your heart will hurt for these pains of your children.

When they get a bit older, their friends will take your place
in the life of your child.
You will be last on their list to spend time with,
Oh, they will need you and depend on you, and run to you to hold them,
but the fun stuff begins to turn from family board games on a Saturday night,
to sleepovers and dances, and just hanging out.

My best advice is to make sure you know who they are hanging out with,
know that there will be some kind of good adult presence,
let your kid know that you will be checking up on them....
even though they will hate this, and they will complain to their friends about
how over  bearing you are.
They will secretly, and unknowingly
be better off because you love them enough to do this.
(This is a lesson I learned too late!)

One day the kids will leave your home and you will be in an empty nest.
They will have significant others whom they will lean on most of the time,
they may move back home for a time,
but things will never be the same as when they were your children.
They will question every value that you have taught them.
They will go in the complete opposite direction than you have gone.
Politically, spiritually, health wise, food choices, entertainment...
you name it, they will go opposite from you.

And this is the way it must be.
I have heard, not in scripture, but that our children are only ours for a time.
We are to raise them, then release them, for they belong to God.

I agree with this. 
My daughters are their own people.
They suffer their own consequences.
I have made many mistakes while raising them.
I am still here for support and hugs,
but they make their own way in the world.
Hopefully they will turn to the Lord
as I am learning to do.
I pray that they become Godly women, who love and respect others,
and are graceful to those God puts in their path.

However, the growing part is painful.
I believe most especially for moms.
I believe it is more painful to a mom who has spent most of her life
caring for their every moment.
This is as it is supposed to be.

I am blessed with wonderful daughters who have their own minds and lives.
I pray that they learn sensitivity and follow God's path for their lives.
I pray for a personal relationship for them with Him.
I pray they feel loved and whole with Him.
Nothing else in this world is as important.
It is not religion, as the world like to corrupt,
but that one particular relationship.

So off I go into my yard, to sob.
To suffer through the growing pains of my children.
Do I love them too much?
I don't think so.
It is a hard thing to let them live their own lives.
I am learning too.
Just another part of life, no one tells you about.
This must be walked through too.
Again I say,  I yell:
I am blessed!