Autumn Thoughts

 

As September is creeping in,
not knowing if it wants to be cool and crisp,
or let us swelter until the very last moment,
I am also taking inventory of how I want to proceed.

One daughter out, one leaping into her life with great abandon,
empties my nest even more.
All these happenings bring lots of joy to my heart.
They also bring a little bit of fear.

My daughters, at one time or another,
because of my very unconventional marriage and life,
have worried and taken it upon themselves to be my companions.
They worry that I am lonely and unhappy.
I really don't know how they got this notion.

During their childhood, I was very much involved in finding them
playmates, playgroups, church groups, extra curricular activities.
I started homeschool groups, taught classes, and planned events for
groups and for my family.
I was never one to just stay home.
There are man,y very pleasant memories of these past twenty or so years.
My mother in law had an unkind nickname for me....
we didn't homeschool, we vanschooled!

However, I am, really, an introvert.
I am very happy to sit on a Friday night, carding and spinning wool,
or reading a book, or watching a movie.
I love spending time on my deck each morning,
talking with God, watching the birds, feeling cool breezes.
Most years I have loved to work in the garden all day!
(Until this year when my plans were thwarted with broken bones.)

I love spending time with family, friends, and in the community.
However, I also love to hibernate.
Candles, quiet music, puppies, wool.
Perfect!
I am not a great talker,  I hate talking on the phone.
Most times I am quiet.
Sometimes, while not having anything to say, I feel boring and stupid.

It would thrill me to retire to a small farm with a few sheep and goats,
an alpaca and llama or two; a few chickens.
Far away from everyone, enjoying the blessings of a quiet life.
(There would be people, friends, family, church.....just in moderation)

As I have been pondering the changing season tho,
I realize how unrealistic this is.
I may end up in South Bend, in the home I love.
Chances are that I will need to find a career to support any lifestyle.
I also know that God does not want my to be solitary.
He wants me to encourage and lift others up.
These are His gifts I have been given.

Yes, I have worked in the past, before children.
I was a secretary for many companies.....for hating the phone so much,
being a receptionist is a skill I am overqualified for!
I have been in sales...which I hate.
I even tried my hand at my own business....more selling, which I hate.
I even washed dishes and cleaned bathrooms
in a German restaurant, and was a bartender.

I am slowly beginning to look for something that pays well enough,
something that I can do physically (dumb feet),
and that has great insurance.
Something that I can use whatever gifts I have to help others.
Anything pop into your mind?
Let me know.

There may not be a door that opens, and I may be blessed with that dream one day.
I am not actively seeking employment, but if it happens, I will jump into it
as I jump into everything.
All of me!

I know that I have a great life.
I am so thankful for my hubby who has always worked so hard for his family.
I just feel the seasons changing in my life.
I don't want to look back at this time period
ten or  twenty years from now, and wish I had made some decisions.
I never wanted to be "that" woman, and it seems, somehow,
I have become her.
Time to be the woman I have always dreamed I would be.
Whoever that may be.

Potato Creek Adventure

Labor Day was spent meandering around Potato Creek State Park.
It was a beautiful, cooler day.
Terry was home for the long weekend
and we decided to take an hour out for a trip to the park.
That hour turned into four/then dinner out.
We got terribly lost, even though we were given a map at check in.
We left the map in the car.

The only place I have ever been in Potato Creek,
was to park at Porter Cemetery....
I got turned around getting there, as I ALWAYS do.
It's habit..  Turn left at the check in, drive for a few miles,
then head back past check in, miss the turn to the cemetery,
and drive through the horse camping area.
This time, the horse camping area was FULL of campers and horses!

Once we park at the cemetery, the girls and I would usually turn right,
enter the #4 path through the gate,
walk around and come out at the fishing pier,
have lunch on a blanket in the cemetery,
after looking through the old headstones.

Terry and I decided to go backwards.
It was a great walk...the first hour.
The second hour, we were working a bit harder.
The third hour, we definitely had gotten lost.
We even tried to find ourselves on the IPhone's GPS.
We tried following people who would come up behind us,
but didn't want to look conspicuously lost,
so we hung back a bit.
They all eventually lost us, as we continued to be lost.
Finally we found a couple walking toward us,
and we desperately asked if we were close to the cemetery.
"Oh sure!  Just go another half a mile,
and take the larger path to the left when it separates."
Thanks you! 
ANOTHER HALF A MILE~!!!~

We did make it back safely.
We did have a wonderful time walking and talking and sight seeing together.
Next time however, we will look at the map.
Instead of choosing the 2 1/2 mile rugged trail,
(which I am sure we did at least 5 miles with the different turn offs we managed!)
we will choose the 1 mile leisurely trail.
That is if I can EVER convince Terry to come to Potato Creek again!
Happy Labor day!
Blessed

 Terry's pic...

 My pic of the same scene!

 One day Terry would like to build a path...just because.

 Terry really liked this bench.

 wonderful, clear, iced cold water that tasted better than the bottled water I brought.
Yea, don't look in the upper right hand corner at the worms.
I don't believe in microscopic bugs living in spring water!

 If we were younger, in better shape, and not so freaking tired, we would have followed the path down to this creek, taken our shoes off, and walked a bit in the cold water.

 This looked like an old wise man watching over us!

Good bye from Terry and Kris!

Thank You

Thank you God for your grace, understanding and occasional insight. Thank you for allowing me to be able to step out of my own selfish, single minded, baggage at times.  Thank you for giving me glimpses of what others are bogged down with, and the compassion to let my stuff go and move forward in Your love. Forgive me that my sinful oblivious nature does not recognize Your whispers in a timely manner. Help me to hear You Holy Spirit!

Ups n downs

I had a month of loneliness, frustration and sadness.
My empty nest seems to get emptier all the time.
The oldest used to text me every night
when she got home from her evening late shifts.
I wouldn't wake to the notification like I used to when the girls were 16,
but upon rising in the morning,
the phone was the first thing I looked at
and I smiled when I read that "home! love you, night!"
The youngest has almost never texted me with such silliness.

Last month, I stopped getting those texts.
At first I broke out in a sweat wondering how quickly I could get to Austin,
thinking the worst of course.
Then I tried to tell myself, that it is silly for her to text me every evening.
She is an adult after all.

The youngest has been to camp most of the summer,
has many friends, and bless her heart,
stays up into the wee hours of the night constantly.
She works and volunteers.
She rarely answers my texts,
never views funny videos of her dog that I send,
and hardly ever comments on my fb posts.
I was jealous of her old friends and her new friends alike.
(She used to watch her favorite tv shows with me....
why else would I now watch
True Blood, and Walking Dead and King of Thrones)
Now, she has other tv buddies.

Again, she is an adult, and has her own life.

I just miss my girls.

BUT...AND....
I have lovely friends.  My schedule can be as full as I want it to be.
I am enjoying watching the grand dog. 

My Chuck has lost four pounds just chasing after and around our new addition.
This is his impression of a bear skin rug!

I recently was blessed with two Ashford spinning wheels.
A friend of a friend was getting rid of her mother's unwanted ladies.
My friend thought of me.
Now, these wheels are in fantastic shape.
However, for the past seven years I have learned and have been spinning
on a double treadle (foot pads), and the two Ashfords are a single treadle.
I took them home to try them out.
If you know me, I am NOT one who likes any change at all.
Especially as I get older and set in my routines, ways, and muscle memory.

I dusted, polished with lemon oil, and greased all the moving parts.
Spinning was quite difficult.
I changed tension of the wheel and the brake, and try as I might,
just could not get the wheel to spin constantly in one direction.
I explained to the hubby that it is like trying to peddle a bicycle
with only one peddle.
The other foot just dangling there.
My thigh and calf muscles began to ache.

After carding and spinning some Romney, instead of using a prepared roving,
I began to get the hang of things.
I was peddling very quickly, but did have a rhythm going.
I looked down at one point and laughed and laughed!

I had once heard a story of an old spinner who was given an electric wheel to try.
She didn't like it much, but after a while, was spinning a lovely single.
The folks around her began to smile and giggle behind their hands.
She asked what was so funny.
They told her that even though it was an electric wheel,
and did not have treadles,
her feet were still peddling!

Yup, my left foot was peddling air, as my right foot was working the wheel!

I now have two full bobbins of woolen spun Romney on each Ashford.
The traditional and the traveler are my new favorite ladies.
I love my tried and true Kromski and will use her for my school work.
She also has a more advanced design and is able to produce difficult yarns.
The Ashfords are production wheels.

I should find names for these ladies.
Thinking Rosie for the Kromski,
as in Rosie the Riveter

Lizzy for the Traveler  from Pride and Prejudice




















and Jo from Little Women for the Traditional.

I'm not a sentimentalist when it comes to tools,
but something as familiar as a name seems...right.

I was also blessed tonight from an unexpected source.
A disappointment, expressed kindly, resulted in a gift.
It always pays to be nice.

SO with this rainy, feet aching evening,
I am sitting with the puppies, and knitting on some socks.

I am feeling blessed and content and happy.
Life turns on a dime, so why was I moping around?
I am loved and blessed by so many.

 Yes.....all three spinning wheels in one room....each to it's own chair.  I move around the room!

butterfly!

It has been a most spectacular year!
I have been loved by so many wonderful people.
Because of broken bones and hurting feet,
I have not been able to work at all in the garden I love.
And that has been the biggest blessing.
Yes there are weeds!
But from all the work I have put into the yard over the past ten years,
God has blessed me with His version of what my garden really is.

Species have appeared with out me planting them.
Vegetable are growing from past years, just because I let them go to seed.
Trees are appearing right where they need to be for the shade I will need someday.
And if I ever planted anything that gives me more joy,
it would be the butterfly bushes.
The grape like scent it gives off brings multitudes of butterflies and hummingbirds.

It was a cool 60 degrees today on the back porch.
No mosquitoes thankfully. 
I and my sweater enjoyed the morning taking in the garden.
I mowed the yard yesterday, so my feet are requiring some rest today.
My hands ache to pull weeds, but think I'll just wait until next spring.

Enjoy some pics!
I am blessed!
So very blessed!