afraid

Wonderful sermon this morning at Living Stones! About not being afraid, because Jesus is in the boat with you and has control of even the wind and waves!
Next week is worrying! So many I want to hear this message!!!

I am afraid of many things...mainly those that I have no control over. People's reactions of thoughts of me. I have been through some pretty tough things in the past and have always come through shining with Jesus' hand upon my shoulder, slightly in front of me. I know that He shields me from things I am not able to deal with and He guides me through those I can...even if I don't think I can!

Some things however, I know that I have a wall around. He can get through the wall, but I don't let Him often.

Most tension between Terry and I have to do with his family. They hate me and always have. I know, I know! How can anyone hate Kris!!!? But they do. It has ripped me apart for more than 24 years. As much as I try, and as many different things I try to get them to love or even like me, they do not. I have cut myself out of their every day lives, phone calls, letters, etc. I do pray for them and wish them well. I think I may have a start of a relationship with my S-I-L, but two steps forward, three steps back it seems.
This quietness has been going on for at least 5 years. My life has no in law turmoil in it. It makes me sad though, when Terry feels like he cannot be honest about traveling through their town and visiting. I want him to do this! I just don't want it to seem like a secret club meeting!

Ugh! Ramble ramble! Sorry.

I guess I said all of that because I struggle with another relationship that seems to be going the same way. We have our differences, but have a superficial surface relationship. I hate it! I am such a people person! I am trying, but am afraid to reach out, again, and get shot down!
Why is family so hard to overcome? So much history? But as Christ followers, should we not love in spite of history?
I'll continue to struggle and break down that wall....bricks don't do well in boats!
Leap of faith......soon!