Friends wanted: inquire within

I am noticing a common thread among women.
Now, it happens to men as well,
but I am a woman and can only voice my opinion as such.

Women want friends.
Women are in need of girly girl relationships.

In grade school, everyone likes everyone!
Moms set up play dates and birthday parties and social interaction.

In middle school, sleepovers start, music becomes important,
cliques begin, boys are noticed, broken hearts are shared.
Moms are still arranging things but not so much.

In high school, friendships are explored, adapted, changed and accepted.
The hunt for boyfriends begins in earnest
as do narrowing the best friend options.
More important life events are shared.
We begin to grow up.
Moms are not involved AT ALL.

In college and after, our lives begin to expand, and isolate.
Jobs take up our social time, but we still can party into the wee hours.
Most of our school friends have moved away, or we have.
Making friends becomes a bit harder.
Your options are limited.
Office, gym, church, bar.
We become more self conscious.
If you are lucky enough to find a life partner,
friendships take a back seat for years.
You also meld his and her friendships.
You are lucky if you like the spouse of your friend.
You are luckier if your spouse likes their spouse.

When you have children, your main priority becomes what your mother's was:
Find playgroups and friends for your child.
Your needs and your focus are put on the back burner.

When you finally realize that you do indeed need a friend our two,
it is difficult to make that happen for yourself.

Honestly, I was in my thirties when I earnestly began my search.
My girls were in the beginnings of not needing my input.
After a few homeschool groups I started,
and a few women's Bible studies, I was asked to lead a small study group.
We were twelve women seeking friendships and answers in a common situation.

We went on women's retreats together,
and spent most every evening on those retreats, talking into the wee hours.
We made time for being together in the months and years to follow.
Our time together was important.  We made it important.

In the past fourteen years, eight of these women have stayed close.
Really close.
I know that if I needed someone at two in the morning,
I could call upon any of these women and they would each be there for me.
We can be our whole selves with each other.
I have shared every part of myself with them.
Some I see frequently, to share a salad and the week's happenings.
Some I see once a month or less.
Whenever we are together, it is as if no time has passed.
We talk frequently through emails, texts and sometimes phone calls.

Over the years, we have each made other friends, chosen different paths,
experienced different life events.
We took what we became with each other,  and reached out through the years to others.
I have even reconnected with high school friends, and now that we are adults,
it seems easier to share out lives with one another.

Now, I know how very lucky I am.
I also know how much of myself I have invested in these friends over the years,
and they in me.
It was not easy all the time.
It is hard to share yourself with strangers to the point where you are not strangers.
You must not judge, you must keep their secrets and not gossip,
you must be available, you must listen, you must take the chance.
You must initiate any and all contact. 
Every time.

Yes, there are times when people just do not mesh.
Not everyone gets along with everyone.
It's ok to have friends who are just surface friends.
It's ok to end a friendship with someone you do not honestly enjoy spending time with.
However, you must work very hard at all relationships.
You must find opportunities to meet people with the same interests as yourself.
Take the chance.

I often find myself not wanting to go to dinner or meet up.
I make myself every time though, because I am never disappointed,
and I always, always, feel refreshed and uplifted after spending an hour with friends.

I am blessed.

PS...
I have wanted to start a meeting place for just this life situation.
Reach out to me if you are interested in diving into this life adventure.

Music takes me...

Music seems always to have been a part of my life.
I cannot carry a tune in a bucket tho.

In middle school, I remember memorizing songs with my best friend.
We played Elvis and Barry Manilow for hours.
Singing at the top of our voices, over and over again.
I still know Copacabana word for word!

I remember receiving a record player one Christmas.
It came with headphones, as bit as cats.
Tons of padding all around the ears.
I would go to sleep listening to all my favorites.
As the years went by, I used those same earphones with the radio,
and listened to old radio shows like the Shadow and Alfred Hitchcock  Presents.

One year in sixth grade, my bestie and I did a presentation for the class
of the opening song from All in the family.. What a hoot.

When I got into high school, I became a band buddy, added to my many differing groups of friends.
Now, I could not play any instrument, but was a color guard, flag waver for three years.
I dated a drummer, two trombone players, a tuba player,
had a crush on a trumpet player, and most of my friends were in the marching band.
There is a whole book of the adventures had in marching band.

I remember during free periods, and I seem to have had quite a few free periods,
I would go down to the band room and just listen to the classes.
Once, Mr McIlroy even let me play the bells!
The stage band director, Mr. Bianco, was also my Shakespeare teacher,
and he also allowed me to oversee the practices.
I tried to play the trombone once.
You really need strong lips to play that instrument!
And I could never quite get the rhythm of the double bass on the drums!
Although I tried.

When I was a young mom, after the kids were in bed,
I would pour myself a Jack and Coke (a tablespoon Jack to 12 oz coke)
and sway and twirl in the kitchen to country music.
I was of course living in the deep south of Alabama in those days.

I listened to bluegrass band practice every Friday night in the funeral home.
My in laws, and a cousin who was the funeral director, were in this band.
At first I was content minding all the kids,
with moments of sitting and doing cross stitch while humming along to
I'll Fly Away and Country Roads.

Eventually, I took guitar lessons from my sister in law, who tried to get me to sing soprano.
I took finger guitar lessons for about a year.
I practiced for hours on the front porch swing while the kids played in the yard.
I sang loudly, as the only person close enough to hear me was
Mr. Perrigan, across the street.
Puff the Magic Dragon was one of the only songs I learned to pick pretty well.
My kids have many memories of me singing Meet Me in the Middle, trying to learn the harmony.
John Deer Green was also a favorite of the Ballard girls!

I belonged to a women's traveling choir for a few years.  I sang alto, but God help me,
I sang with whoever I was standing next to.
I still do.

When we moved North, my music taste moved to emo and punkish tunes that the kids listened to.
I'm glad that didn't last long, but Jack Johnson and other groups occasionally are played still.

I have always loved REAL music from the Rat Pack!  Dean and Frank are almost always on
a play list close by.

My theme song since middle school has been Simon and Garfunkel's the 59th Street Bridge Song.
If you know me at all, you know how true this is.
Even without this song playing, I move through life with this attitude... :)

Last night my friends and I went to the South Bend Symphony.
The theme was James Bond.
These two hours brought me right back to the good ol days I have been missing.
Images, songs, feelings, rushed in.
I have been a bit depressed lately with both of my girls so far away,
and this winter has been brutal, with me mostly hibernating for months.

It was good to feel the music again.
You can find me bopping, swaying and dancing in the church pew
 to contemporary Christian music,
 as well as twirling around my kitchen, singing to Charlie.

For someone who can't carry a tune, I sure love music!
I am blessed!