Sunday, September 20, 2009

pecans and fall

I seem to be more nostalgic these days. I am enjoying the pink and orange sunrises through my dining room window, enjoying the orange changing leaves in the back yard, and the cool morning walks with Veronica.

I have finished spinning the marigold mohair/wool yarn and am looking forward to discovering what it want to be. I have started knitting my sweater with the silver romney and confetti colors spun throughout! I'm excited about that! On October 10, I travel to Kokomo to the Fall Alpaca Festival where I will spin alpaca! Looking forward to seeing friends again!

Preparing to go apple and concord grape picking soon and looking forward to jelly/jam making! This has been a tradition ever since we lived in NY. I remember the first time we came home with enough apples to fill our very large kitchen.
Veronica was 3 and Hilary was 1. The girls took turns cranking the apple peeler corer slicer! What fun those long strings of apple peel!

That was all I did that fall...every day! I learned how to make apple jelly the right and the wrong ways! Applesauce, apple pie filling canned, apple cakes, apple pie....anything and everything apple! Now I have discovered grapes! MMMMMMMMMMM

I have always enjoyed making jellies. When I first moved to Alabama, my mother in law taught me to make crab apple jelly, muskidine jelly, pear preserves to die for, and of course the biscuits that go with them. That is one of the southern things I can make...biscuits!

Now, I tried to make a pecan pie one of the first Thanksgivings with the Ballards.
We had 11 pecan trees on our property! Every one was picked cracked and prepared by me...one who has been allergic all her life to nuts!

I must admit, I have never made a pie that looked better than this pie.
All cut into it and took a bite. Oh! The faces they made! Not good faces either.
As one who does not eat nuts, I didn't know that there was such a thing called bitters in the pecan that needed to be removed before baking or eating!
Maybe that is the reason I am such an outcast in that family!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Dreams and Time

It's the dream you had at ten years old
and still dream
that you need to pay attention to!

I finally have time to spin all day long if I choose!
I have time to experiment with dyes and mordants and fibers!
I have time to spend with God in the mornings in the garden!
I have time to spend with friends!
I have time to volunteer my talents and energies!

It just took time.
Sometimes a seemingly never ending amount of time!

It took struggling through the every day doldrums.
It took financial crisis and boredom.
Walking the floors at night with the crying babies.
I kept my hand in my dream,
even just looking through a magazine from time to time.
I learned to look to God to get me through the tough times....and the good times! Occasionally those are the hardest to get through!

I learned that when I am at my end,
exhausted, used up, can't go one step further,
that is when God is going to use me.
I expect it now.
I am at my best when everything in crumpled on the floor!

It is His time and He lets me have joy and peace
and every blessing I have ever desired.
More than I could have ever imagined!
Thank You God!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

afraid

Wonderful sermon this morning at Living Stones! About not being afraid, because Jesus is in the boat with you and has control of even the wind and waves!
Next week is worrying! So many I want to hear this message!!!

I am afraid of many things...mainly those that I have no control over. People's reactions of thoughts of me. I have been through some pretty tough things in the past and have always come through shining with Jesus' hand upon my shoulder, slightly in front of me. I know that He shields me from things I am not able to deal with and He guides me through those I can...even if I don't think I can!

Some things however, I know that I have a wall around. He can get through the wall, but I don't let Him often.

Most tension between Terry and I have to do with his family. They hate me and always have. I know, I know! How can anyone hate Kris!!!? But they do. It has ripped me apart for more than 24 years. As much as I try, and as many different things I try to get them to love or even like me, they do not. I have cut myself out of their every day lives, phone calls, letters, etc. I do pray for them and wish them well. I think I may have a start of a relationship with my S-I-L, but two steps forward, three steps back it seems.
This quietness has been going on for at least 5 years. My life has no in law turmoil in it. It makes me sad though, when Terry feels like he cannot be honest about traveling through their town and visiting. I want him to do this! I just don't want it to seem like a secret club meeting!

Ugh! Ramble ramble! Sorry.

I guess I said all of that because I struggle with another relationship that seems to be going the same way. We have our differences, but have a superficial surface relationship. I hate it! I am such a people person! I am trying, but am afraid to reach out, again, and get shot down!
Why is family so hard to overcome? So much history? But as Christ followers, should we not love in spite of history?
I'll continue to struggle and break down that wall....bricks don't do well in boats!
Leap of faith......soon!

Friday, September 11, 2009

God's plan all along

It is amazing, looking back upon my daughters' lives. Realizing that they are, and always have been the people God had in mind. From the beginnings of their little personalities, until now into their young adulthood.
If you know my girls, you should be able to see this as I describe a day in their young lives.

When we lived on 5 acres in rural Alabama, we would visit my folks in South Bend about every three months. One early spring visit, Terry and I bought the girls, Veronica 7 and Hilary 5, a Barbie Jeep. Red. We loaded it into the back hatch of the Ford Bronco and drove 14 hours back home.

The girls could hardly wait to drive around the "farm". After it was charged for the correct amount of time, we let the girls take a test drive. What fun! Both girls took turns, and when it would inevitably get stuck, one of the girls would jump out and push and pull while the other skillfully maneuvered the jeep to freedom!

Our house was in the center of our property, on a slight hill. Behind the house were 5 chicken houses and the neighbors' 100 acres. The front of the house was highway 17, then a pasture for the same neighbor's cows. Fields were at the sides. The girls were allowed to play outside checking in with me, and knew their boundaries.

I would drag the jeep off of the side porch for them and away they would go.
I so remember and enjoyed listening for them as they drove around the house in a big circle. I would peek out of the kitchen window, or watch from the front porch as they made their way.

Most of the time Veronica was the driver. Full of concentration. Making turns at the correct time, going the correct speed. (This definitely has changed!) And sweet Hilary was riding in the passenger seat, chatting constantly about only she knew what! Veronica was not even listening to her has she may make a wrong turn, and Hilary was always talking! If the jeep got stuck, Hilary would dutifully jump out, still chatting, and then have to run to catch up and jump in as Veronica drove off!

Looking back at pictures or home movies these characteristics become even more clear. Veronica reciting the ABC's at 4 and Hilary sitting next to her mouthing her version, and so proudly smiling at her sissy and clapping when she had finished.

Veronica correcting Hil, when she forgot g, h, i, and Hilary smiling and laughing at her mistake! Veronica, always the leader, the accomplished one, the one with the right answer. Hilary always happy and bubbly and ready to agree to almost anything!

Veronica, I see, as seeing things as glass half empty, and by George! She is going to make it full. Hilary's glass is overflowing, and damn the consequences, as long as she is surrounded by friends and has fun!

They both are on their own now, and have one or two jobs, working very hard to make sure they are current on bills, etc. They have goals and dreams for the future. I enjoy them as young adults. I love that they love to spend time with me, however limited their time is. I still see the little girls circling the house, though. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. What a blessing God has given me and the rest of the world in these beautiful young women. The true blessing is that they both love Him, and the world will definitely see Him through them.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Living in Love

What a fantasically wonderful appropriate sermon today at Living Stones!
I am always amazed how most if not all, sermons are directed to me personally!
I know that I am only human, and most humans have all the same trials and triumphs along the way, in different ways, but God just works and hits me every week!
We have been studying vices and how to live with those around you who have different vices than you. Today was the actual, Paul says in Romans, how you do this!
Pick up a bible and read Romans 14-15. Or go to sambarrington.com, on the right side look for pod casts of today's service (up in a few days)
Living Stones Church has a God inspired pastor and congregation.
Learned a bit of history of the Roman church and why there is such a stumbling block about what to eat and what not to eat.

Accept others and don't pass judgement on disputable matters!
Don't look down on another followers actions just because it is different than you would do, for God has accepted him!
If your motivation honors God, it is ok by Him, just as another is fully convinced that his action honors God, is also accepted by the Lord!

Do not do something that will offend a brother and make him stumble, even if it is something that you will not stumble upon. There are times to make your actions known and times when it would not kill you to not act a certain way.

If there is a discussion that you know will offend, answer that you would like to keep that between you and God.

Live free in Jesus Christ because He set us free! But act in love to your sister as well as those who are not free.

Friday, September 4, 2009

history

What we think is possible is connected to what our history tells us is true.
Sometimes we need to rewrite history!

This makes me think of all the histories I have had.
It is difficult to overcome hard times when you seem to be drowning in it.
When you are sick, it seems as if you cannot remember what healthy felt like.
The same goes for when things are wonderful. You forget the times when you needed courage just to make it through the day.

One thing I have found is that friends and sharing your life are so important to your future.
I have the best friends anyone could ask for.
I didn't meet them until I was in my 30's.
For so long I thought I would not have a single good friend,
now I have 8 that I know would do anything for me!

There are times when I have no idea why we are all still friends, or friends at all, our lives are so different.
The one reason I can see, is that we all treat each other with respect and love.
We have never had any arguments in our lil' circle.
We don't judge each other for anything, and at the same time, we give our honest opinion when asked.
These are my sisters! The ones God provided for me! The ones who make my life better...my history fine! They are worth every past event without friends.

Why is it that we can be so "friendly" with those we choose, but it is so difficult with those we are related to?
We, I, should try to be more a friend to the past too.
Life is a never ending lesson and I relish each moment!

You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

asthma sucks!

Not able to do much today, as when I try to walk across the room, I feel like a goldfish out of water!
Insurance won't pay for anything I need for preventative use,so I sit and breathe through the nebulizer, and remain calm!
At least I can ground myself to the house for the most part.
I can spin and card to my hearts content.

Mom , Aunt Donna and I travelled to Nashville Michigan to collect the 10 pounds of llama fiber I had cleaned and made into roving
(which is a long string of fiber all ready to spin).
I wound it all into manageable balls last night, ready and waiting for me after
I finish the marigold mohair!

Hummingbirds are now attacking my window where I sit at the computer.
I put a full feeder on the window and now, I cannot forget my humming little friends!
Be careful what you wish for, for you shall surely get it!

Do not judge yourself through another's eyes. Proverbs 31:25

Wishing you a blessed day!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Terms I use

Mordant: A mordant is a substance used to set dyes on fabrics by forming an insoluble compound with the dye.

I have only used alum and cream of tarter as a mordant, but I think I would like to dump a handful of iron nails into a jar of water for a spell, and mordant with iron! Different salts, metals and acids are used to mordant wool, cotton, silk etc.

I have used acid dyes with no mordants for years. They come in a powdered form and you just add water, boil and rinse. They turn out predictable and beautiful most of the time.

I have always wanted to try natural dyes and have begun to experiment! There is a lot I have to learn but I am really enjoying the process!

The marigolds I boiled and dyed white mohair with, turned out absolutely beautiful! I carded a mix of the mohair with a bit of romney that was dyed with marigolds, and it spun like butter on my Kromski Sonata spinning wheel. I am planning on plying it with cream colored soybean fiber!
The color reminds me of my aunt's hair! She is so proud that the color only cost her $2.99!

Carding: Is the process of brushing the fiber between two "dog brush" like paddles. This straightens the fiber and adds air to it to make spinning easier.

Plying: Is the twisting of two or more already spun fibers together to make a stronger yarn. You can use single, double, triple or more ply in any yarn.
When plying you must ply the opposite direction that the singles are spun to make a balanced yarn that doesn't twist into knots. The direction of twist is called either z or s twist depending on clockwise or counter clockwise spinning!