Choices...or how can there be so many cliches in one blog?!

In everyone's life there definitely come times of
choices....both easy and difficult.

Some are not situations of our own making,
but many, especially the most hard, are.

I have decided that I need a lifestyle change.
I eat better, not much sugar,
exercise regularly and sweat alot,
and even changed my make up....
too many tiny lines creeping up,
and eyelids moving down.

Although I have known about these changes for years,
I have finally reached the point where I cannot put them off any longer.

There are some situations, however, that are like being on the Titanic.
If you don't make a decision one way or another,
you will sink, while enjoying the violins playing on deck.


Or you will find that one life boat, get in,
and make sure no one else pushes you into the freezing water.

Sometimes we go along in our lives,
happy and content.
Happy and content never last.
EVER.
You can have peace and joy in the midst of terrible tragedy.
But status quo should never be an option.
Mainly because the longer we live in the quo,
the more heart wrenching it will be when life falls out from below you.

My advice is to take the bull by the horns and look seriously at your life.
Your daily activities.
Who do you surround yourself with?
Your quiet time, and your play time.
Is God in there somewhere?

Do you find yourself slipping back into old habits because, you just occasionally slip?
We all do that.
But, when we find ourselves constantly making excuses for ourselves or others,
taking two steps forward, two steps back...or even three steps back...
living in a fantasy land of rose colored glasses,
gingerbread houses and friendly wildlife,
we find the next thing to happen is that our world shatters around us.

We all need to make the hard choices.
Eat better and exercise or it may be too late next time.
Pray about friends and lovers who may not really be the best for us.
Love is very powerful and makes us do silly, stupid things.
Sometimes we get lucky, but not often.

In my own life, looking back many years,
it may have been better for my family if hubby and I did indeed divorce.
Lots of strife and screwed up lives because of our silliness.
However, we did not.
God has blessed our commitment to each other and to Him.
A lot of hard work, relearning how to communicate, struggles, tears and joys
are rolled up in the past 27 years.
I am sure there are a few more struggles on the horizon too.
We can talk to each other now.
We do listen to each other now.
Most times we put each other first and have each one's back in good and bad times.
God guides us now instead of us running to Him after the fact.
That makes all the difference.

SO....really look at your life.
Keep the beneficial and lovely.
Throw out the garbage...as nicely as possible.
Don't let the boat sink around you when you had the opportunity to bail!
Hang on to your dreams. 
They will all change, but a few will overpass your expectations.
Moments are only that, even if they seem to last forever.
Be brave and tell your friend you care, and that they are moving in a bad direction.
Better to have an angry ex friend who thinks about what you said in love,
than no friend at all, and so many regrets for keeping your mouth shut.
Tell loved ones you do love them.

I am blessed because I am changing!
Only by the grace of God!

Yelling

I just figured out,
after a tumulus day, and only four hours of sleep,
that God is screaming at me.
I believe He has been nudging, whispering, talking,
conversing, hitting me up side the head, etc.
But now, He has decided to make it perfectly clear to me.

What He is trying to tell me, I have absolutely no idea.

My family, I, my children, my parents, people around me...
seem to be in upheaval mode.
I don't think I am handling some of it too well.

Realization all started with our Christmas plans.
Last year was a dud.
New and old boyfriends in the picture dampened things a bit.
We found out we are boring....
one boy slept through the day,
the other's feelings I just found out...tolerating.
Granted Terry was not here,
and his mother had passed away the week prior.
No gifts were bought, although we tried to do a white elephant.
Directions were unclear.
Some bought too many cheap gifts,
some bought really expensive gifts,
and some brought no gifts at all.
Joe and I bought the same gift, which was way cool!

I have grandbabies, but they are in Texas.
In my holiday household, there are very old people,
old people, middle aged people and twenty somethings.
Not a great combo.
We are finding tolerance a huge part of the plans.

Terry thought maybe a Christmas in Cumberland Falls with the girls
and their significant others would be a nice change.
And it probably would have been, if we all liked each other.

As I have come to find out,
we all spend a lot of time together,
apparently more than most people do....
and spending time together for a holiday,
doesn't seem like anything special.
sigh.

My older members are not able to travel.
This leaves the guilt feelings of leaving them with no holiday.
Do we just buck up and endure another holiday?
Do Terry and I travel to snow covered Mackinac Island
where everything shuts down totally?
Do just the four Ballards venture out?
Admittedly, even we four have struggled with
our personal relationships and changing lifestyles recently.
Are we supposed to do something for others?

Which finally brings me back around to God yelling at me.

I have been through my childhood, pretty much unscathed.
Silver spoon if you must know.
I have been through the honeymoon and child rearing stage.
I just survived empty nest...and am confident I made it.
Now.....?
Ruts ville.

No one really needs me anymore.
I will always be needed. Don't get me wrong.
But recently I have been depressed.
No motivation or drive.
Everything is monotony.
I feel taken advantage of.
I feel cynical and disappointed.

I have been trying to figure out what God's plan is for me now.
At least I tried at the beginning of the year.
Obviously nothing panned out.
At least nothing that was HIS plan.

For example:
I was challenged by the pastor to grow my ministry team.
Cooking meals for those in need...new babies, adoptions, hospital...
and sending cards of encouragement out,
is not really a social, team building kind of group.
So I invited over 35 people to my home this coming Saturday
for breakfast and team building.
No agenda.
I have three yes's, and three no's.
Kinda sounds like a stall to me.
I will be pretty upset
if thirty five folks show up with out rsvp ing...

So, I may be a bit silent for a while.
I'll still be spinning and knitting,
and visiting the kiddos at the mall with Mema on Thursdays.
Thank goodness I love my church!
I am uplifted and inspired there.

I think I just need to LISTEN.

Maybe this is just a period of waiting and uncertainty.
Maybe something is just around the corner
that I will need this time of rest to conquer.
Maybe I need to start taking advil pm on a regular basis again.
There are a lot of maybe's and should's.

I have a great life.
Better than most, and I feel blessed.
Just floundering a bit.