Random thoughts

Do you think the young woman where I get my Chinese take out
recognises me like I recognise her?
She speaks barley any English, but I feel like her friend.

I understand fortunes like:
All your dreams will come true
Enjoy your youth and old age will take care of itself
You are well loved by many
The year of Melissa

but honestly....
Sell your ideas they are totally acceptable.

Why is it that it takes only a listening ear
and a kind word to change your whole outlook on your troubles?
And why don't more people talk to their pastors?

Why does the running team
1. Run on the coldest days of the year
2. Wear those teeny tiny thin pants
that can't possibly keep you warm
3. If someone trips, will the whole herd stop
and begin again when their mate is up,
or do they hold to only the strongest survives?

Why don't they make moon boots that have flashing lights
all around the front of the boot for adults?
I would really like a pair.

Why is stuff that is supposed to be good for you,
so darned expensive?
And why do we seem to need it all?


I snow blew today.
Haven't done it for quite a long time.
Daddy loves to snow blow.
However, everyone seems to be sick and tired of the snow
these days and no one has been shoveling this past storm away.
I got the blower out of the garage just when Daddy pulled up.

"Which do you want? blowing or pulling snow off of the roof?"

He chose the roof rake.
I started out with the sidewalk,
then did the neighbor's walk.
She is old and it hasn't been done yet this winter.

As I turned back to my house,
I was having fun.
Much better than an hour on the treadmill.
So I just kept going.
Passed my house and went to the end of the block.
Crossed the street and came back.
Guess I'm lucky I didn't run out of gas.

I felt really energized after my shower.
Washed the dishes and fed the birds.
Shoveled a path for Chuck to get to the side fence.
It's been all winter since he has been able to
bark at the neighbor's dogs.

Why does exercising make you feel like doing more.
Especially since I didn't get any sleep last night?

I remember watching the shuttle Challenger crash 25 years ago.
So very tragic.
Loved President Reagan's words of them at the time.

Egypt is going through some rough times I heard an hour ago.
Common folks wanting change.
Jobs and new Government.
Not anything to do with the peace treaty with Israel.
I'll be thinking of them tonight.
Does anyone reading this know anyone in Egypt?

Is God getting tired of all this crap?
I sure am.
Can't even by cold meds without signing over your first born.
Sorry V.
I couldn't take this runny nose any longer!

Is there any interest in women to help others
going through troubles that we have experience in?
Would there be any interest in these troubled women
to ask and listen to experience?
How would that work as a group effort?
How would you get the word out?

Terry is in Canada this weekend.
I pray he doesn't hit any moose.
He doesn't have his moose guard yet.
Funny braces for a semi.
Can't hurt those beasts, but they can hurt the truck.

Enjoy your weekend.
Get to church if you can.
The Lord is working in all seemingly insignificant lives.
We just have to be on the lookout for where to join in.

I am blessed.

can't keep switching feet in my mouth.

Yup.
I did it again.
I opened my mouth,
took one foot out and
replaced it with the other.

My intentions are never to make waves.
My heart gets in the way so often.
Wish I could just stop being a mom sometimes.
That is impossible.

So I went to sephora and had a facial and makeover.
I feel pretty now.
Nice eyes and blush for "older" skin.

Amy did a great job and we cheered each other
with similar tales.
I believe she thought I was going to have a breakdown
right there in the eyeshadow isle.
Sweet girl.

Back to keeping my mouth shut
and living on the surface....
if I even get the chance to be there again.
Damn rose glasses anyway.
Sometimes you just have to say what's on your mind and heart.
Sometimes people need to be shaken up a bit with the truth
as other see it.
Sometimes I just don't even need to go there.
Boundaries....
gonna go reread some chapters.
I think I will brush Carlie's teeth too.
His breath is horrible!

And then...

she invites me to Barnes and Noble!

No deep conversations.
We don't do that here.
Our time here is for soaking up words,
sharing inspiration and comfortable quietness.

We shared info on Jan Brett and
how she researches her children's' books,
Japanese monkeys that roll snowballs for fun,
Ice hotels....brrr. Don't think I could do this one!
Air plants in crystal ornaments,
and gossip about Nicole Kidman.
She shared some of her writing that brought tears to my eyes.
Golly I have been crying alot today!
Her memory of Maine and seeking shells,
watching the tide splash in on the cliffs,
and all the excitement and wonder that brought.


Made me realize that I have the past.
The present is a bit shaky,
but the future is full of possibility!
I am blessed.

Support comes form many strange places

For the past week or so I have been mulling and moping,
frustrated...
and sad.

When things seem obvious to me,
when neither friends nor family
don't seem to agree to these unspoken disputes,
I get this way.
Thanks to Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend
I have not said anything about other's choices.
This I think is a good thing.

Last night I was hit with overwhelming despair.

When my kids were little,
I got it.
I remembered playing the games and singing the songs.
I dove into learning and exploring and
sharing daily lives, decisions and thoughts.
Basically, I had control of beginnings.
The middle has me a bit confounded though.

For some reason, I don't remember most of the 20 somethings.
Well, that's not entirely true.
I got married when I was 19.
Had my kiddos at 22 and 24.
Life was not, for me, as it is for my girls.
Decisions were made based on needs of my family, not myself.
Every decision had lifetime consequences for more than just me.

My girls are challenged with careers, school, friends, partners,
spirituality, politics, free time,
basically every day to day decision I did not have.

I need to remember that in my empty nest days.
I don't seem to have much in common with one daughter these days.
I can't say what needs to be said from a mom's point of view,
so I don't say much, I guess.
The other girl, although she had some very hard beginnings a few years ago,
now has seems to want my time and words more often than not.

So, this morning over breve and the Sunday paper,
(yes, I'm addicted to breve coffees!)
I read an article in the Parade section
by Alexa Stevenson...Mothers Without Borders
I was crying real tears by the end of it.

Basically it said that as a mother,
you always want to be there for your kids in anyway you can.
Always!
It is a sweet story from two points of view.
Fellas probably won't get it too much.
I know that the girls know I'm here.
I hope they know that I understand.
I just miss the sharing.
I miss the conversation.
I miss the fun and the time of quietness too.

I think I am in need of some deep, life changing conversations
from everyone around me.
Not superficial stuff...
some sit down for a few iced teas or coffees
and let's get real!

Another friend made a comment on a blog earlier this week.
Stay at home moms do have lives,
their time is just shifted a bit.
Not much time for adulthood.
Now that I am an adult all of the time....
my friends are busy with their lives.

SO if you see me at Barnes and Noble,
don't be afraid to sit down and tell me you
want some juicy real down to earth conversation.
And don't be surprised if I do the same...

Smiling

Just a bit of Spring
and Love
and Glowing Candlelight
and hot strong Coffee.

I choose to be blessed today!

In Need of Color

This morning I woke to sticky eyes.
I either slept too long or not long enough.
It had rained and warmed a bit overnight,
which made everything mushy.
I am not much for mushy.
After a bowl of cereal, I decided that today was a day for reading.

V asked for a caramel Macchiato
and offered me a Barnes and Noble gift card in return.
As I was out of cream...and still am...
I took her up on that!

I had recently received the latest chapters from a friend
who is writing a book, and I had not gotten an opportunity
to read it yet.
I packed up the pages, my reading glasses...
yes I have bifocals, but need to get to the eye doc again soon.
I am seeing the world in fuzzy hues again...
and headed into the slush.



I had to sip V's coffee and glad I did.
After getting to BN, Hil texted me and appeared
during a break at the salon,
then left just as quickly because she got a walk in.
Hugs in the early day are so nice no matter the reason.

I was overwhelmed by the color of all of the books.
Book stores are one of my pleasures.
SO much possibility in the millions of pages.
You just have to narrow your search for the day.
Will is be art, or fiber?
Cooking or self improvement?
A new study or froo froo magazines?
Whatever I chose, my mood was shooting up!

I ordered my breve...a new favorite...simple and bold!
Settled by the window and caught up on the storyline.
Oh just you wait, fellow bloggers until this book is published!
My high school friend has so much talent!

I hope to visit with her and another friend from school this summer.
Online connection has been so good for me.
We can express our deepest thoughts and dreams without real life intruding.



So, I am home again full of inspiration...and caffeine.
I have been working on making more yarn to sell this spring,
and with Hil and Joe's help think it is going very well.
Now for the pricing.
Do I really want to charge $7 and ounce?
One skein $28?
I must learn to value my endeavors!
I am blessed,
and pray that your day is also!

on all sides

The past few days I have been attacked on all sides
to tolerate, love, accept, grow.
UGH.
When I am uncomfortable, my kids say that I cannot hide my feelings.
So I try not to say anything.
Which becomes uncomfortable for all around.
I'm a chatterer.

Yes, there are many things, and I learn more every day,
that do not meet MY standards.
But we are all creations of love from God.
Whether I approve or not, does not matter.

So, I am trying to overlook, and move forward.
Whether to remain in my life forever,
please Lord...hear this one prayer...
or if they are to pass as the seasons,
I will try to look to the spirit and not the mess.

OH My. I put that in writing.
That means I will be truly hit on all sides
to test my commitment.
Be careful what you ask.
Can you tell I am going in to this so very unwillingly?
Dragging my feet, kicking and screaming...
Prayers would be appreciated!
Blessed? Yes. Blessing....trying.

A SARK kind of day!

I am walking way up in the mountains today!
If you have been a friend of mine for any length of time,
you will have received, or will receive a SARK book.
Of any authors I have read,
Susan is one of the one who can put my life in perspective,
every time!

Today, I slept until 9am,
ate a bowl of corn pops
(it's been one of those weeks)
and went back to bed until noon.

I had some library books to return,
so off I went to the South Bend Library downtown.
I love libraries!
I worked at this library as a shelver a few years ago.
When my kids were little, the library was where we spent alot of time.
We never came home without at least 20 books.
Today, I came home with five.
A fiction book by Mary Alice Monroe,
the author of a book on one of my recent blogs,
(I love the Way she writes and hope to enjoy this book too)
a knitting book, a mystery by Janet Evaovich...
(one in between her famous series
now being made into a move with Kathrine Heigel.)
I also found a knitting mystery...I love mysteries.

Then, as I was getting ready to check out,
I noticed a new book by SARK.
She hasn't written a new one in a while.
I spent the next two hours at South Bend Chocolate
absorbing this book...cover to cover.

I gave the book to V, who was working with Emery on their blog,
or I would give the title!
(found a picture....Glad no matter what)
It was all about being glad in the in between places in your life.
Accepting the bad, unhappy feelings in your life,
transforming them and moving forward.

She writes with such personal emotions of her mother's death,
and shares some really funny situations.
One humorous chapter was when she had a three hour delay at the airport.
After being frustrated for a few moments,
she took her velvet cape, flung it over her luggage and made a tent.
She crawled under it with a bag of Cheetos
and was very happy while she waited.

Don't you just wish you could do that?!
The folks in SBC probably wondered about me as I giggled and grinned
while drinking my two breves.

I went to Krogers for some groceries and I again was amused at myself.
I smiled at everyone, as I floated through the isles.
I picked up devils food cake with deep dark chocolate frosting
and a bottle of my new favorite wine....
deliciously sweet moscato from Barefoot.
Even the name is succulent...from one of SARK's books!

So I will make a comfy dinner and have wine and brie cheese on french bread.
I may make the cake, but may not.
The kids will come for a game of Quiddler,
or I will begin a book,
or possibly finish my weaving.

I love days like today.
I am blessed.
Even more so today!

Weaving time

While weaving,
I have lots of time to think.
My back is to the television,
and when I am not overly concentrating on a pattern,
am I going up down
or down up this row?
My mind has time to mull over many topics.

Recently, I have been thinking about two main subjects.
How others see me, and What does my opinion matter anyway.

Over the past few months, I feel as though I have been seen
as a mother figure.
Yes, even to those who are near to my age.
I don't know whether it is because of my care ministry,
providing meals to those in need,
or that my kids have grown and flown the coop.
Sometimes even the way folks look at me when talking to me
gives me a matronly feeling.
I don't mind, actually I kind of like it.
I am not wise by any means, but do have a few experiences.
God grant me the words if I am asked....anything.

Now about my opinion mattering...
Lots of things are happening around me.
I am usually oblivious of current events,
but people close to me are struggling.

My sister gave me a valuable insight
in the matter of people in my girls' lives.
I don't have to like them.
It doesn't really matter to me if these folks are....
for lack of a better phrase...
not good enough for my daughters.

Nothing I say will change any behavior or personality problems.
The sole decision belongs to each of my girls.
Hopefully I have raised them to know how valuable they are
to me, to God, to their father and to people around them.

Yes, my girls each have their own little quirks and baggage,
probably because of things I did to them in their childhood...lol
but they each are wonderful, bright, caring, charming girls.

So I trust their judgement.
I pray that they can see their situations and relationships
in a way that is healthy and in their best interest.
That they can look into the long term
and make the correct short term decisions.

In another area, I see the selfishness that saddens me.
Hate and selfishness only lead to more of the same.
It is so easy to be generous and have humility and serve.
In fact, these actions bring contentment and joy,
where the opposite brings frustration and misery.
Am I supposed to offer my opinions in this area,
or just pray diligently that these folks will see the truth
and act on it?
I must admit that I became quite upset at someone who I treasure yesterday,
because of the selfishness I don't usually see.

So, as I weave some more,
more thoughts will come.
Maybe I should just plug in the nano
and sing away the hours?!

Lost art of visiting

I just spent the week with my younger sister
and her two teenagers...17 yo boy and 15 yo daughter.
If you have known me for long,
you know that my sister and I have had
a rocky relationship the past few years.

I believe this was mainly from lack of understanding
and acceptance of each other for a while.
A few months ago we decided to let by gones be by gones.
My Boundaries study has helped me alot with that too.

I have learned that my life is my life.
I am in charge of what I decide to do and not to do.
This is true for my sister too.
This is true of us all.
Oh, I may not agree with your choices,
but they are your choices.
Get over it Kris.

This snow covered week was a wonderful start.
The kids are great and I really got to enjoy being with them.
There really hasn't been much of a chance to do that .. ever.
We played games almost every night.
We laughed so hard when we played catch phrase.
We are a pretty funny family!

I also learned that, although my sis and I
have different views on some things,
we are sisters.
We say the same things at the same time,
we notice the same goofs on movies,
we have similar brain freezes,
and we look alot alike.

The three girls knit and crocheted all week.
My sis started to learn to knit on a cowl.
She carded and had me spin some wool with angelina sparkle in it
to finish her cowl!
And then she learned to knit on double pointed needles
for mittens.

The nephew snow blowed us out many days.
He has a bad cold now, I'm sure because of it.
Sorry dude!
And we even spent some time with the parents and mema.
Yes, I have some clothing missing....
but that is par for the course.
They will turn up!
The house is so quiet.
Charlie keeps walking from room to room looking for my niece.
Her head makes a nice pillow!

Bonding takes extended time of doing nothing much.
This is missing in this busy world of ours.
I am blessed for the time and the snow!

Icicles

I was helping my dad in my garage today.
It has started snowing again.
It is about 25 degrees outside.
We must have at least 30 inches of snow
on the ground.
It is 65 degrees in my house.

I poked my head out the door
after Dad finished snow blowing.
He said he was going to move a bench.

I went out to help.
I was wearing jeans, long sleeve t-shirt
and sweat jacket.

When we finished, I came inside... cold...!
But only parts of me were numb.
Fingers and nose.
I can't feel my feet anyway...
which I consider a blessing on cold days.
Got me to wondering.
Is it menopause that causes only my extremities
to get cold, or is this everyone?

It is on days like these
that I am glad of the extra padding!

01-01-11

My dishes are done.
A good nine hours of sleep...
thank you advil pm.
Cuppa tea brewing.
Day to finish reading a book.
(Yes, they added a love interest.
Why can't a story just be about a woman,
her goals, problems and solutions?)
Ham bone, beans and cornbread.
Meager meal on the first day,
wealth in the new year.
Thanks Melissa!
I am blessed